


Secret Service

by Holidae



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Kingsman AU, M/M, Multi, also, because i can't do explicit stuff besides kicky punchy, first fic, more characters will be added, not that anyone asked for it, sfw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:12:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4587360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holidae/pseuds/Holidae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dipper Pines got himself into the slammers by accident, he thought all hope was lost.</p><p>Then a certain man in some dapper suit came up to him and bailed him out. He was grateful and he wanted to return the favor, so naturally, he asked the man if he could be of any help to him. </p><p>The man then had asked him to join him in something big, and much more secretive than he could possibly think of. Did Dipper accept? Yes, well, with some hesitation. But who knows, maybe he'll come to enjoy the ride.</p><p> </p><p>That is, if he can survive it.</p><p>Kingsman(sort of) AU where Dipper gets recruited to join them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret Service

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic without any beta'ing so there might be mistakes here and there. I had the idea quite early on but I never really knew what to do with it, so voila~
> 
> Also I wrote this when my WiFi was down so not everything here will be following the Kingsman plot/universe.
> 
> I would update this whenever I can, but school is a pain so it might not be as frequent as you'd think.

“ Now, let’s commence the meeting.”

“I bet you all know what has happened to Lancelot in recent events, although it is very saddening, we must all move on for his sake and continue on with our missions.”

Everyone, including those who were shown as holograms held their glasses filled with alcohol raised their glasses and commenced a toast for their fallen comrade.

“ With Lancelot’s space now empty, we all must recruit someone new to take up this place. By the end of this week, each and every one of you must find someone you believe to have the skills and ability to take up this task, if not, well, I hope they won’t end up dead by the last stage of training.”  
Everybody complied and dismissed themselves from the meeting, only leaving two men in the room. The one with blond hair had spoken up after drinking down every drop of alcohol from his glass.  
“Well, let’s just hope this doesn’t end in another disaster like last time, right Tad?”  
The one addressed nodded and replied with a small sarcastic tone:  
“Maybe, but who knows, maybe this time it won’t be your recruit that ends up dead in the end hmm?”  
The blond one snorted and watched the other pick up their bowler hat and left the room.

“Sure. Maybe not this time.”  
He murmured and then continued and poured himself another glass.

 

Dipper was not a bad kid, no, he was the nice kid, the one with a book in hand and the one who does not get thrown into a slammer because of some stupid misunderstanding.

“You got it all wrong officers! I didn’t do any of this and I am absolutely not a part of this crime!”

He voiced out as he gripped the bars tightly while trying to get some attention, but nonetheless, his cries of anger was left unheard. Giving out a sigh, he slumped back on the thin piece of cloth they called a bed. How could all of this happen? All he did was got into a heated fight between two turf bosses by accident and now he was in the slammers with a bunch of hooligans who were, no, still quarreling about their turfs. It was absolutely frustrating, and he was willing to do just about anything to get out of here.  
“What did I do to deserve this…?”

He grunted as he held his head high and closed his eyes, trying to think of a way to get out of this situation. He was just a normal 21 year-old guy, no criminal record, besides that one time with his grunkle, but that was meant for another time. No ideas had come to mind, but as he scratched his head with frustration, something had dropped out of his pocket. He opened his eyes when he noticed the sound. It was an amulet with the letter ‘B’ engraved in the middle, when was it in his pocket? He never noticed until now, and he proceeded to pick it up. It shone when the light had hit it and reflected into Dipper’s eye. Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, he looked at the amulet and noticed some numbers at the back of it.  
“Weird, this is, a phone number?”  
He thought back to how it came into his possession. It was probably during the fight, when a man in a suit bumped into him and a small conversation was held.

 _“I see you’re in a bit of a pinch, but, I’m sure you’ll be able to handle this yourself. If not, remember, oxfords not brogues.”_  
_“What?! I’m in a middle of a fucking fight that I am absolutely not involved in and you’re telling me about shoes?”_  
_“Language, child.”  
Dipper had tried to dodge some fist that almost came into contact and succeeded, not knowing the man in suit had slipped something into his pocket and left the scene._

As he fumbled with thing, one of the officers had called his name.  
“Dipper Pines, we need to talk to you.”  
The man had proceeded in unlocking his cell and cuffing his hands up. Dipper had not tried to put up a fight, not wanting any more trouble than he was in now and was brought to a room. The officer sat him down and started questioning him without hesitation.  
“What were you doing there, during the entire thing?”  
“I told you already! I’m innocent, and I just barged into their fight by accident when I took the wrong turn.”  
“Uh-huh, I’ve heard that a million times. Now really, tell me the truth. Else you’d be staying in the slammers for a long time to come.”

As he felt even more frustrated, he reminded himself to calm down and stammered:  
“Uh, I do get a phone call, or something, right?”  
“Sure, knock yourself off.”  
The officer gave him the phone and headed to the door.  
“I’ll be back in 5. Make sure you get that call done by then.”  
As the officer left, Dipper looked at the amulet and held up the phone. He could call Mabel, or Grunkle Stan, but there is no way he would call mom and dad. They were on their week-long vacation at Rome, and it’d be bad if he had spoiled their holiday mood. Mabel was all the way in California studying in a great university, and Stan was still in Gravity Falls at Oregon. Him? He was stuck in a police station in some distant city in which he was no way close to anybody. So the phone number here was probably his only ticket out of here. It was slim, but the one on the other side of the phone might be of some help. As he typed out the numbers, the dial tone started up as he crossed his fingers, hoping it would work.  
“You have reached Kingsman’s Suits and Ties customer service, unfortunately we are currently facing some technically issue, and will not be available for until further notice. Thank you for your call. This call will hang up within 5 seconds.”  
“No wait! Uh, what was the thing the guy said, uh, Oxfords not brogues? Was that it? God I don’t know. Please, I need your help.”  
“…Thank you for your review of our service, your opinions will serve us greatly in providing you the best of service in the future.”  
And just like that, the phone hanged up.  
“What? No I should have called Mabel! Now I just lost my chance in getting any help. My life is doomed.”  
Dipper placed the phone down in anger and slumped against the chair. This was it. This is the end of him.

 

The officer that had left Dipper to his own devices was outside of the station was lighting a smoke when his phone had rang. Grumbling slightly, he stopped held out his phone and answered the call.  
“Hello?”  
“…”  
“What no I can’t-“  
“……”  
“But-“  
“…”  
“Alright fine! I’ll get the kid out, alright, just don’t tell that to anyone.”  
“…”  
The phone had hung up just like that and the officer went back in to the station to write up some papers to get the kid out. He wasn’t even sure who was on the other side of the phone, but he sure ain’t going to let some guy let out his big secret that could possibly end his entire career opportunity in the future. While he typed, Dipper in the interrogation room felt deflated as he played around with the amulet.  
“Well, you weren’t of much help, weren’t you?”  
As he heard the door click, he was ready to face what was coming to him, getting cuffed up, sent to prison, anything. But instead, the officer had said:  
“Kid you’re good to go, just this one time.”

Dipper was absolutely shock and asked: “ But how? It’s not like-“  
The officer made out some gestures and said with a monotone voice: “Some guy just bailed you out. He’s outside right now.”  
Dipper felt absolutely overjoyed. He was getting out of here! And it was thanks to the guy who gave him this. When he gets out, he’s definitely finding this man and giving him his absolute gratitude. He followed the officer out of the station and once he was, he took in a breath of fresh air and said:  
“Oh it is good to be free.”  
The officer had just glared at him and proceeded in heading back into the station. As Dipper walked down some stairs, the man in suit was there waiting for him.  
“I suppose you’re the one who got me out?”  
“Most definitely, and if you have the time, I have a proposition for you, dear Dipper.”  
“I have the time, I mean, I’m not really doing anything right now. So a little chat wouldn’t hurt, I guess? But I have to ask, what kind of proposition are you talking about? Also, most people would introduce themselves when talking to someone they’d never met. And how did you know my name?”  
“Oh I know lots of things. And of course, the name is Bill Cipher. I believe you are the type to repay those who have helped you, yes? Quite heroic if I must say. Now, my offer is not something that could be said in public, how about somewhere a tad more secluded?”  
“Uh, alright? I’m not sure where you’re heading with this whole thing, but how about the coffee shop down the street? They have good coffee. “  
“I don’t see why not.”

 

Arriving at the shop, they found themselves a table and sat across each other. Eying each other, Dipper felt a bit insecure being around with the man, but after all, he had bailed him out of the slammers right? The least he could do is to help him with whatever he need.  
“So, about that proposition?”  
Bill was looking around the place, seeing how there were the only ones here besides a guy at the far end table and the barista, he nodded and looked at Dipper with solemn smile and said:  
“Hmm yes my proposition, after seeing how you had tried to defend yourself during the entire commotion last night, you don’t seem to be very proactive in fighting. But, have excellent grades since elementary school, graduating out of university with an abundance of degrees of multiple majors by the age of 21. You seem quite the scholar, are you not?”

Dipper felt a bit flattered, but he was still a bit confused, so he continued to ask:  
“Uh so, what is this about?”  
“Alright, alright. Look kid, I see potential in you, and I can give you something to mold that potential of yours. I want you, to be a Kingsman. And don’t worry about your lack of almost any physical skills, we’ve got training that can help you with that. So what’ll you say?”  
Dipper stayed quiet for a moment, trying to process what had just happened and trying to wrap it around his head.  
“So basically, you want me to be in your tailor service?”  
“Oh you are so smart and yet so dull at the same time, but no. That’s only a façade. Underneath, we Kingsman are a secret service in which we protect the public from the shadows.”  
“Wait me?”  
“Yes you. Now do we get ourselves a deal? Our flight will leave by tonight.”  
“Wait, tonight? Where?”  
“Yes tonight and we are heading to great old England.”  
“Really? You’re only giving me like what, five seconds to make a choice? I mean, why should I really join this whole secret service thing?”  
“Well, for starters you have until tonight, in which is about 5 to 6 hours? And also because A, I saved you from living in prison for your next 5 years, and B, this is an opportunity of a lifetime, you’ll never get it again. Oh and also if you don’t, I’ll have to shoot an amnesia dart into you and you’ll forget our entire conversation and possibly some from yesterday. Also our amnesia dart hasn’t really been tested to be safe so you might lose more memory than just now and yesterday. But of course, it is completely your choice.”  
Bill had whispered to Dipper’s ears and immediately sat back down and took a sip out of his newly arrived coffee.  
“You’re basically threatening me right now.”  
“That would be the point. But think about it, all the adventures we can bring you, all the good you can do.”  
“I-I, I’ll need some time to think, alright.”  
“Yes yes, whatever you need. I’ll be here waiting for your answer, don’t worry.”  
Bill proceeded in drinking his coffee while Dipper weighed out the pros and cons of this and tried to make a decision. Sure enough, there was far more disadvantages than he’d like to say. For one, it could kill him, and also it might lead him to lie to his entire family about this ordeal until the day he dies, and the guilt would probably make him die even faster. It was obvious if he didn’t join him, he’ll be facing memory loss of not just today, but maybe even the past, plus he himself had said he wanted to repay the man for bailing him out of jail and he wasn’t one to go back at his own words. After a few afterthoughts, he made a decision.  
Bill? It’s not like you gave me much of a choice, but I’ll do it.”  
The man in a dapper suit gave him a sly grin and held out his hand while saying:  
“Great. We have a deal then.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'd really appreciate it if you left a comment or so to drive me further, but of course, it's completely up to you.


End file.
